It seems like he hates me

debates me

berates me

and outdates me

when he and I are in the same place

I feel the color drain from my face

I feel like I’m beyond the reaches of grace

like there’s no one on earth with whom I can embrace

he’s my past and it seems like he hates my guts

glaring like he wants to kick my butt

knife in hand my throat he wants to cut

making fun of me like I’m going nuts

I feel so uncomfortable cause he’s always around

I move away – he’s in the next town

I get up and he brings me back down

I try to smile but he – you know

my past is my enemy at least that’s how it can feel

but lately I’ve been wondering if that feeling is for real

cause it really doesn’t help me it’s a pretty raw deal

I need to reframe him cause opposition doesn’t heal

 

Sometimes I flip it the opposite direction

and dominate the state for my will’s inflection

not the source of my soul’s infection

but here to serve me and my endless affection

a source of my pleasure is how I see my past

reliving the things I just did last

and staying there having a blast

serving me my lot is cast

I am in control and my past serves me

I feel like I’m the man exactly who I wanna be

I close my eyes and see what I wanna see

reliving the pleasure most constantly

he obeys so well and gives me what I need

from his service I never shall be freed

the pleasure he provides is pleasure indeed

I love it!  without him my soul would bleed

my past is my servant at least that’s how it can feel

but lately I’ve been wondering if that feeling is for real

cause it really doesn’t help me it’s a pretty raw deal

I need to reframe him cause pleasure doesn’t heal

 

I’m pretty sure he’s responsible for immeasurable loss

since I haven’t acknowledged him my efforts are dross

I know he’s in charge he’s huge he’s a hoss

my past is my master my past is the boss

I have to obey him or he will hurt me

I’ve tried to escape but he won’t desert me

I think he wants to bless and never pervert me

deny him? I’m telling you he’ll just dog and dirt me

he is my master his pleasure not mine

the behavior he demands walks the finest line

crossing every T following every sign

benign? never his leadership can only malign

these compound fractures present in my soul

demonstrate an abandonment to self-control

and I’d love to be free not in part but in whole

my Past Master delights in my unmet goal

my past is my master at least that’s how it can feel

but lately I’ve been wondering if that feeling is for real

cause it really doesn’t help me it’s a pretty raw deal

I need to reframe him cause this authority doesn’t heal

 

Not enemy nor servant nor master at all

my past is my past and though I stumble and fall

he is not the One who issued my Call

and when its just me with my back up against the wall

he does have something on which I can rely

a proper perception we see eye to eye

I acknowledge his presence do not deny

I see him clearly my Past is my ally

one part teacher one part friend

helping me to bring my sickness to an end

encouraging me to invest  and not simply spend

and being patient when I need to mend

he’s not ugly nor does he possess attraction

he is what he is he provokes me to action

improvement and learning my soul’s satisfaction

exiting slippery slopes gaining traction

my past is my ally despite how it can feel

cause too often my feelings cannot be for real

they really don’t help me they’re a pretty raw deal

My Past is my ally who can help me heal